somewhere there's sun, and you don't need a reason

the dreamer is the real me

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:25:57 -0400

So I made some amazingly delicious zucchini bread "muffins". I could not find my loaf pans for the life of me, so I had to use the cupcake pans. It worked out surprisingly well, but sometimes there is just something really satisfying about having a SLICE of something...

Oh well, I'm over it.

I also cut up the two cases of strawberries I bought at the grocery store the other day. I sliced them up so that they wouldn't chill in their little plastic containers and get moldy. I really hate it when that happens. Strawberries are the worst for that, they go on special like 2 days before they rot. (going down cristins route of plain yogurt with strawberries, or well, fresh fruit in general and sliced almonds... so good!)

Anyway, the point was that my fingers smell like strawberries no matter how many times I wash them, and it is delicious.

I've been using the words "totally" and "delicious" a lot lately.

I'm really sick of being in school, you guys. Time to graduate already. Seriously.

One day at a time, right? I think the only reason I feel like I'm in slow motion compared to everyone else is because most of my close friends have graduated and have either FOUND a "real" job, or are on the brink of finding one. Sometimes we try and figure out why things are happening the way they are but I don't think we're ever far enough removed from a situation when we're still in the midst of things to really understand it, if there even is a reason. I'm not one of those people who believe that every single thing happens for some cosmic reason, but I do think some things are particularly significant and open doors that seem like they were put there by some divine influence.

Hindsight makes things so clear but the present can be so frustrating. I have a lot of drama to deal with in the near future here where financial aid goes. I can only assume that things will work out in the end because they have to.
They really just have to.

I want so badly to move forward but I feel like there is so much holding me back. I am deliriously happy one moment and overwhelmed with stress the next. One extreme balances the other out, but on the in-between I am especially aware of every minute influence drawing me one way or the other. It's a whirlwind here, a hurricane and I am out there in the throes without a life jacket, clinging to a piece of wood. The ridiculous part is I stepped out there knowing exactly what I was getting myself into, so how can I shake my fist at anyone but myself? I am mostly referring to my mess with school, at least where the stressful part is concerned.

I don't view the choices i've made in life as unwise, but I know there are people who would consider some of them irresponsible (like the impromptu trip to NYC, my family was superpissed considering they shelled out for tuition and then realized i was going away (aka, i could have paid some of it) , but i'd planned to go before they insisted on paying, so it really wasn't me taking advantage of them), or my thoughts naive. I don't know. Maybe I am a little bit naive, but I like to think of myself as more of a free spirit than an ignorant mind. The decision making part of me is attached to my heart.

I guess the rational part of me is attached to my fingers.

Makes sense. I make a lot more sense in written words than I do spoken ones.

I need to find my zen, yo. Oh, and probably a new job.

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i am balancing, careful and steady

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:00:36 -0400

behold:

my ride. i'm still tryin' to figure out whether i totally dig it or not. (it matches my BB!) let me put it this way... it's a car, you know? but i feel like i'm driving an SUV. futhermore, i cannot open the trunk. i just cannot figure it out. is it considered a hatch back? ok, whatever you wanna call it, i can't open it. i was sitting in the grocery store parking lot this evening looking through the user manual that i found in the glove compartment.

i like it a lot better than my sunfire though, for sure. but come to think of it, i'd probably rather be driving my old buick than the sunfire when you really iron out the details. yeah, anyway.

i'm really restless because i want to zumba REALLY BADLY and I can't because i have all this crap to accomplish tonight. i think exercise is the most important thing on my to-do list, seriously. i mean, judging by the looks of things you might not really think so, but when i'm into it and really want to work out I get so cranky when I can't. it affects every aspect of my mood and it makes me feel bad about myself.

i just have to push through this midterm tomorrow and then I can run to nicks, feed the animals, run back home and work out.

and then go to WORK. ugh. that place is stressing me out really badly lately. i'm not even entirely sure why. maybe stress is the wrong word... it's more frustrating than anything. plus one of my favorite managers last day is on the 25th. we're all going out after work (well, those of us working until 10 will be meeting them out) for a final goodbye. he always tries to cheer me up when i'm annoyed or frustrated at work, so the miserable meter will go up a notch with one less person there that i like.

i mean, i like everyone i work with, but some of them are more relatable, you know?

i need one of those foot massager things with the rolly balls on it that you run your feet over. are you following me? i know, i'm rambling because i am avoiding my notebook and highlighter.

blah.

ALSO, chase charged me 65 dollars and it pissed me off so bad that when i found out in the middle of studying, after shooting them off a WTF e-mail, i fell asleep. it was either fall asleep and forget about it or cry out of frustration. i'm trying not to think about it until at least tomorrow after my midterm, because it'll wipe away any inkling of productivity left in me. 65 dollars is kind of a really big deal right now.

universe, i shake my fist at you for that. what were you thinking? i expect us to resolve this tomorrow. hopefully, for the better.

i guess i'm done for now.

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and the little zucchini said "yo what it is! check me out!"

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 16:35:04 -0400

068

dear self, perhaps pulling weeds would be helpful.

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at the blossom

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:31:43 -0400

Uh huh those are trash cans
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sweetassview..jpg

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the power lines add a nice touch

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 07:53:50 -0400

This is one thing I don't mind about my campus. (Ok, they keep our grass pretty green too, nvm the fact that the ceiling is falling apart in the chem building). The art museum. In the back, there is a little cafe called 'winslows after, you guessed it, winslow. Ya know the painting with the kids in the field... Ok.

I go there a lot during fall/spring if I have a break between classes. The staff is friendly and they remember your usual order, lol. Or maybe I've just been there too much.

My instructor just passed by. It was awkward once I realized I could do to pull my tank top up a little. Ugh, I swear I'm not 'that girl'. I hope she understands why my rough draft is like, a partial draft with an outline attached. I fell asleep last night in the middle of things and woke up at 4AM in a total panic. Ya know the feeling you get when you oversleep and are late for work? Ok that's the feeling that woke me up. Entirely unpleasant.

I wish it would have woke me up 2 or 3 hours before that. Stupid internal clock.

I guess Sarah and I are leaving for the concert around 6 this evening. This allows sufficient time for zumba and a good nap. I think. I never really know.

Class will be fun today without my glasses (currently chilling at the wgreen). Kinda sad actually, we are seeing some clips today and I will be sitting in the back with a mopey face. Gotta get those from work before I leave for sarahs too.

Thank goodness tomorrow is payday. If I weren't saving my pennies I would totally buy myself a hugeo margarita FIRST THING.

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butler.jpg

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yawn.

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:48:13 -0400

729 on campus. I had to park on the complete opposite side from where I need to be. Oh well. Good exercise. Not feelin too bad for 2 hours of sleep.
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blahh.jpg

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so um

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 19:16:26 -0400

Lunching. Aka, dinner. At work.

I made a to-do list tonight. It looks like this :

-* find a review or critique (I forget which one) for class tomorrow
- find tickets to a show
-* finish article
-pay parking ticket
-* figure out where to park for class tomorrow
- write the stupid rough draft

*'s need to be done tonight.

I'm pretty annoyed with my prof because I still haven't heard back. Ugghh.

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dear college, i hate you.

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:36:20 -0400

You know what irritates me? And I don't know why this came to mind as I was taking a bath today but it did.

In the computer labs in the library at my college, they have signs posted everywhere asking students not to print more than 20 pages at a time/day, stating that otherwise, it will ultimately be reflected in more technology fees and higher tuition.

I have huge problems with that. If I have to go to the lab to print out a 20 page paper and a 10 page power point, there goes 30 pages. What are we supposed to do? Go to class and tell our professors that the library wouldn't let us?

They used to actually say "DO NOT" now they say "Please do not". Obviously they can't stop us, but the very idea that they try to limit the amount we can print irritates me. We ALREADY pay technology fees. How often do I go to the library to print things out? Usually NEVER.

So if I go in there tomorrow to print out the next however many chapters I have been assigned to read for class, and it's like 80 pages, I'm gonna do it anyway. And if they say something, I will say "Think of it as my way of cashing in on all of the 20 pages I never took the other x days of the semester".

Ugh.

I hate my university. A lot. I'm sure I could find things to complain about ANYWHERE I go, but my school has some serious issues.

It's frustrating. Especially because I feel like the majority of things I learn in my "upper division" classes teach me absolutely nothing. I don't feel like I'm learning the things I expected I'd be learning when I take certain courses.

It just amplifies the idea that it's another motion to go through to get that scrap of paper, you know? That's not what it's all about. The system makes it that way though. It frustrates me. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of fantastic people working for my college, but I don't feel like enough is being done.

I would give examples, but I don't have time.

I also wish I were an Anthro major. I guess I'll have to live with being a fan.

Ciao!

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blah blah blah

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 19:34:55 -0400

Peanut butter on rye and sourdough pretzles anyone? Banan?

I can't wait to go home.
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if all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

nobody@vox.com(Kristi) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 12:37:08 -0400

mandatory: another 15-20 minutes of sleep if you wake up and it's pouring down rain. i don't care where you have to be in an hour. it's better if you sleep WITH someone though (obviously). this is a life rule. i suggest you all implement it.

waking up to heavy rainfall is sooo delicious. i made myself pancakes for breakfast this morning. i really shouldn't have. i debated for awhile on a handful of fresh blueberries in the batter or some cinnamon. cinnamon won.

i have to go to work and i don't want to. i have a to-do list longer than your mom.

i take my car in to be repaired on the 21st. i wonder what kind of rental they will give me? plus also, do you know how bad i'd like to cash that insurance check and just flee? yea but i guess $600 doesn't get you very far huh? You have to come back eventually. then i'd still have a messed up bumper and that jerks blue paint on my car. i think it would be worth it though.

i have a shooting pain in my left foot from the shoes i wore yesterday. incidentally, this is also the foot with the screwed up ankle. SWEET.

i'm gonna make myself smell good for work now.

it's the least i can do.

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